Part 3 of 3: Church Inc. & Contentment....
if I come across as having a grudge with Institutional Church with this blog entry, please know that this is not my intention. But I really need to get some things off of my chest. I think everyone has their own path to how they fall in love with God and His love and how they relate that love to others, so I don't want to cast aspersions on anyone who is still heavily involved in Institutional Christianity (IC). Just because one is not affiliated with IC does not mean that you cannot still hold on to some of the same judgmental attitudes that are often a trademark of IC.
I have been going through a "Christianity-detox" phase now for a few years. It started in earnest when I realized that what I called the "gospel" was really not the Gospel at all. I was tired, disillusioned and weary from trying to get the 'Christian life" right and working for me. Being that I struggled with a host of addictive behaviors (one of them being sex-addiction), it did not take me long to realize that being in church and being a "dedicated Christian" does not allow for error or struggles when it comes to sin. It is not like I did not realize that my addictive struggles were self-destructive, and those of you who may have read some of my other blog entries may realize that I started viewing porn at a young age as a way of escape from the madness that was my home life. When my mother decided to kill herself when I was 9, it was like a part of me said to myself "no one in life can really be trusted, not even family members." Today, I don't quite believe that intellectually, but in my experiences, I must admit that I still have a hard time trusting people and getting involved in social situations. This has been the foundational basis for my struggles.
As I tried to free myself from the chains of addiction as a Christian, I read practically every "Christian book" on the subject. I got my concordance and devoured practically every Scripture that I could find on the subject of freedom and deliverance from bondage. I even went to demon-possession deliverance services as some suggested. I devoured books by Stephen Arterburn who specializes in sex-addiction (he wrote the popular book, "Every man's battle") and also books by other major Evangelical authors; I went to healing services and Christian conferences..I was dedicated to making my life count for Christ and be "free" from all sinful behavior, but when I got totally honest with myself, I realized that even when I was not acting out in terms of my behavior, I still was not free, in fact I was miserable and on the verge of suicide ..I started reading some literature on the subject of God's grace and it was at this moment that a light-bulb went off in my head and I realized that most of what we call "the Christian life" is not necessarily grounded in the love of Jesus. "Christian living" is very behavior-focused and we tend to feel that as long as a person is doing the right things and refraining from certain "sinful" acts, they are a great child of God.
We live in a day and time where a successful 'church' is almost defined the same way you would define a successful business - the key difference is that in 'church' you have the added pressure of less-sin-in-your-life (which is tyranny to someone like me who struggles with addiction) we ask questions like "are you prosperous?" "Are you reaping the rewards from good deeds?" Think of the ICs and pastors that are regarded as the most successful: people like Joel Osteen, who is the new darling of the media because of the huge congregation at his church.
The IC as a whole seems to resemble a business. This is not to say that there are not great things taking place in many institutional churches, but for me being steeped in IC (Institutional Christianity) is just not the route for me right now. I still go once in a while, but every time I am there, I feel like I am "putting on airs" as one of my former colleagues used to say. I can't take the pretense anymore. Why do we judge successful churches the same way that we would judge a successful business - in terms of numbers? Didn't Jesus Himself reaffirm that life does not consist in the abundance of things when He gave the parable of the rich fool (Luke 12:13-21)?
I have heard the analogy made about the IC and how it compares to a business, even though "churches" are called non-profit organizations: You have the pastor who serves as the CEO; you have elders and/or deacons who serve as the board members or executives; you have tithing members who serve as shareholders; and the blessings that a tithing member receives in live represent the dividend or rewards for buying "stock" in the company. Also, like a business, if you are not a productive member of the organization, you are "let go" which in "Christian terms means being either ignored or even left by the way side. By productive member, I mean you are involved in ministry and obey the code of conduct for that church (business) which definitely includes refraining from the sin-du-jour and believing and obeying the right doctrinal rules.
This 'church as business' model easily and quickly leads to disillusionment, especially if you struggle in any area of your life. For one, it prevents real authenticity, which is supposed to be the hallmark of genuine spirituality. Secondly, it creates an "us vs. them" mentality. Believers vs. non-believers, conservatives vs liberals etc. And in creating this mentality, the very people who need to receive God's love the most are often ignored. Thirdly, this model places the focus on the wrong things. I remember the pressure that many of my minister friends felt in trying to grow their ministry, it quickly became nothing more than a numbers game - how many people on the church membership role, how many people attend church school or Bible study, how many people got baptized , how many got saved etc etc. Yes, you would hear many say, "well, it's not really about the numbers, but it is about the numbers because God wants us to reach the lost" but this all too consuming performance oriented task eventually takes the true spirit of love out of our soul, because we automatically assume that "as long as my 'congregation' is growing, then God must be doing great things here." The reverse assumption being that if your church is not growing, then you are a failure.
True contentment comes when we can strip ourselves of all this madness and simply rest in Jesus - His love, His grace, and His acceptance of who we are for no particular reason other than His love. This is the journey that I am on now. Yes, I often still get bogged down by religious dogma which still exists in my head, but I know that God still loves me, even in my struggles and I don't have to be perfect to be accepted. This frees me to accept others without religious conditions....
Stephen Akinduro
if I come across as having a grudge with Institutional Church with this blog entry, please know that this is not my intention. But I really need to get some things off of my chest. I think everyone has their own path to how they fall in love with God and His love and how they relate that love to others, so I don't want to cast aspersions on anyone who is still heavily involved in Institutional Christianity (IC). Just because one is not affiliated with IC does not mean that you cannot still hold on to some of the same judgmental attitudes that are often a trademark of IC.
I have been going through a "Christianity-detox" phase now for a few years. It started in earnest when I realized that what I called the "gospel" was really not the Gospel at all. I was tired, disillusioned and weary from trying to get the 'Christian life" right and working for me. Being that I struggled with a host of addictive behaviors (one of them being sex-addiction), it did not take me long to realize that being in church and being a "dedicated Christian" does not allow for error or struggles when it comes to sin. It is not like I did not realize that my addictive struggles were self-destructive, and those of you who may have read some of my other blog entries may realize that I started viewing porn at a young age as a way of escape from the madness that was my home life. When my mother decided to kill herself when I was 9, it was like a part of me said to myself "no one in life can really be trusted, not even family members." Today, I don't quite believe that intellectually, but in my experiences, I must admit that I still have a hard time trusting people and getting involved in social situations. This has been the foundational basis for my struggles.
As I tried to free myself from the chains of addiction as a Christian, I read practically every "Christian book" on the subject. I got my concordance and devoured practically every Scripture that I could find on the subject of freedom and deliverance from bondage. I even went to demon-possession deliverance services as some suggested. I devoured books by Stephen Arterburn who specializes in sex-addiction (he wrote the popular book, "Every man's battle") and also books by other major Evangelical authors; I went to healing services and Christian conferences..I was dedicated to making my life count for Christ and be "free" from all sinful behavior, but when I got totally honest with myself, I realized that even when I was not acting out in terms of my behavior, I still was not free, in fact I was miserable and on the verge of suicide ..I started reading some literature on the subject of God's grace and it was at this moment that a light-bulb went off in my head and I realized that most of what we call "the Christian life" is not necessarily grounded in the love of Jesus. "Christian living" is very behavior-focused and we tend to feel that as long as a person is doing the right things and refraining from certain "sinful" acts, they are a great child of God.
We live in a day and time where a successful 'church' is almost defined the same way you would define a successful business - the key difference is that in 'church' you have the added pressure of less-sin-in-your-life (which is tyranny to someone like me who struggles with addiction) we ask questions like "are you prosperous?" "Are you reaping the rewards from good deeds?" Think of the ICs and pastors that are regarded as the most successful: people like Joel Osteen, who is the new darling of the media because of the huge congregation at his church.
The IC as a whole seems to resemble a business. This is not to say that there are not great things taking place in many institutional churches, but for me being steeped in IC (Institutional Christianity) is just not the route for me right now. I still go once in a while, but every time I am there, I feel like I am "putting on airs" as one of my former colleagues used to say. I can't take the pretense anymore. Why do we judge successful churches the same way that we would judge a successful business - in terms of numbers? Didn't Jesus Himself reaffirm that life does not consist in the abundance of things when He gave the parable of the rich fool (Luke 12:13-21)?
I have heard the analogy made about the IC and how it compares to a business, even though "churches" are called non-profit organizations: You have the pastor who serves as the CEO; you have elders and/or deacons who serve as the board members or executives; you have tithing members who serve as shareholders; and the blessings that a tithing member receives in live represent the dividend or rewards for buying "stock" in the company. Also, like a business, if you are not a productive member of the organization, you are "let go" which in "Christian terms means being either ignored or even left by the way side. By productive member, I mean you are involved in ministry and obey the code of conduct for that church (business) which definitely includes refraining from the sin-du-jour and believing and obeying the right doctrinal rules.
This 'church as business' model easily and quickly leads to disillusionment, especially if you struggle in any area of your life. For one, it prevents real authenticity, which is supposed to be the hallmark of genuine spirituality. Secondly, it creates an "us vs. them" mentality. Believers vs. non-believers, conservatives vs liberals etc. And in creating this mentality, the very people who need to receive God's love the most are often ignored. Thirdly, this model places the focus on the wrong things. I remember the pressure that many of my minister friends felt in trying to grow their ministry, it quickly became nothing more than a numbers game - how many people on the church membership role, how many people attend church school or Bible study, how many people got baptized , how many got saved etc etc. Yes, you would hear many say, "well, it's not really about the numbers, but it is about the numbers because God wants us to reach the lost" but this all too consuming performance oriented task eventually takes the true spirit of love out of our soul, because we automatically assume that "as long as my 'congregation' is growing, then God must be doing great things here." The reverse assumption being that if your church is not growing, then you are a failure.
True contentment comes when we can strip ourselves of all this madness and simply rest in Jesus - His love, His grace, and His acceptance of who we are for no particular reason other than His love. This is the journey that I am on now. Yes, I often still get bogged down by religious dogma which still exists in my head, but I know that God still loves me, even in my struggles and I don't have to be perfect to be accepted. This frees me to accept others without religious conditions....
Stephen Akinduro
posted by Stephen O. | 4:45 PM
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