SUPPORTING OUR TROOPS IS MORE THAN A BUMPER STICKER........

Last week, there was a hearing on Capitol Hill on Military Suicide Prevention, aimed at dealing with the alarming escalation in the number of suicides by members of our armed forces. The hearing was moderated by Senator Ben Nelson (D) of Nebraska, who is the Chairman of the Armed Services Personnel Subcommittee. Various high ranking members of each branch of our military were represented to address how they are dealing with this growing epidemic. It was able to catch some of the re-broadcast over the weekend on C-Span 2. And like many of you receiving this e-mail, any time I see anything on preventing suicide, I am very much interested, having lost my mother this to suicide, 29 years ago this coming August.

Studies have shown that every day, 5 U.S. soldiers attempt suicide, that’s every day; before the Iraq war began that number was one suicide attempt a day. In 2007, Army figures show that there were about 2,100 suicide attempts. In 2008, there were 133 completed suicides, and studies show that about 70 % of these suicides were tied to some kind of relationship problem, which were only exacerbated by stress and fatigue.. In January of this year , there were 24 suspected suicides in the Army alone. (Statistics from: CNN.com, and Suicide Prevention Action Network USA, spanusa.org).

While watching parts of the re-broadcast of the hearing last weekend, I was struck by how many times the word “stigma” came up. After all, mental illness is not something that we like to talk about in our society, and this stigma is especially huge in the macho world of manhood where it is erroneously assumed that "a real man does not get depressed or have mental problems”. Most men, unlike women, are more likely to call their "boys" up to talk about sports, financial triumphs or women than the pressing emotional or spiritual issues that are plaguing their souls, men don't ever want to be perceived as "punks"; this lie about the definition of "real manhood" makes it harder for many men especially to talk about openly about their mental struggles, especially when you consider that our soldiers are amongst the most resilient of our population. But we all, male and female, do need to take care of our mental health.

Experiencing the trauma of war, where the rules are totally different from civilian life, is bound to take its toll on any of us. And regardless of what your political ideology is or where you stand on the war, it is not enough for us to give pious platitudes about how much we support the troops, if these same wonderful troops - who afford us the freedom to enjoy life in this great country - come home only to be bogged down by post-traumatic-stress and the inability to effectively assimilate back into society. Our soldiers have done a magnificent job and thank God that the violence in Iraq has really subsided, but they still have to come home and deal with the everyday hassles of life. How do you go from being trained to being a killing machine, to suddenly having to turn that switch off and deal with the everyday pressures of life without violence, while simultaneously coping with all the daily challenges of life to include relationships and bills in a very tough job market? It takes a great support network, excellent health care and the love of family and friends to get this done. For those of us who have never been to war, we may not know exactly what it is like, but what we can do is offer the kind of emotional support and non-judgmental friendship that can encourage our friends and family who are in the armed services to get the help that they need.

I give kudos to cable stations like MTV for bringing awareness of this problem. Not long ago they had a program where rap star Kanye West and VeeJay, Sway did an awareness show on mental health for our troops by surprising Iraq war veterans who were struggling with access to mental health care and other needs. One of the veterans whom they surprised talked about how he felt like he was a killing machine and he could not turn the machine off. He had been unsuccessful in his attempts to hold down a job since his return because of this problem of aggression. And recently, on the show “Real World Brooklyn”, you get a glimpse into the mental toll that the war in Iraq has taken on one of its cast members, Ryan, an Iraq veteran, who showed his roommates a short film that he made detailing how he wanted to drown his sorrow in alcohol and self-inflicted death.

So if you know any veterans or active military personnel, continue to express how much you care for them, love them and will be there for them, no just in word, but in deed. One of the high ranking officers showed how most of the times what the soldiers need upon their return is someone whom they can confide in or support them without fear of being judged. For those of us who have not been to the frontlines of war, it is easy to say stuff like “move on and get over it”, but if you have never been out there in the battle lines, you never know what it is like.
The suicide of a loved one leaves you, in an ironic way, with a glimpse of the kind of pain that the patient was going through, something that survivors tend to never forget. Suicide carries such a stigma with it, that it is often hard for family members to even admit that their loved one killed themselves. This is why I can honestly say that if my mother had not died the way she did, I may not have the kind of passion and compassion that I do for hurting people today. So let us continue to reach out to our serving and retired members of the Armed Forces, not just with bumper stickers and political logos, but with our hearts. For those of you reading this who have served or are serving in our Armed Forces, thank you, and we love you very much. Our very lives and freedom have been secured because of your service....

Here are some suicide prevention hotlines:
1-800-SUICIDE
(1-800-784-2433)
or
1-800-273-TALK
(1-800-273-8255)
or
Text Telephone:
1-800-799-4TTY
(1-800-799-4889)

Websites:
www.suicide.org
www.nopcas.org

Stephen Oladotun Akinduro (Columbus, GA)

The problem with religion (and a possible solution)

“Spirituality wrongly understood or pursued is a major source of human misery and rebellion against God. “~ Dallas Willard

A few weeks ago, I watched comedian Bill Maher's documentary movie "Religulous", which takes aim at religion in general. Now, in case any of you don't know who Bill Maher is, he is a comedian who does a lot of political and social commentary. He has a show on HBO called "Real Time with Bill Maher", and even though he often calls himself a Libertarian, he is considered by most to be a staunch liberal. The way I see him, he is to the political Left what a character like Rush Limbaugh is to the Right. He is good at what he does and quite entertaining, and even though I don't agree with all of his views, I enjoy listening to him most of the time. Anyway, if you have ever listened to him long enough, you will know that Bill Maher is an atheist, and hates religion with a passion. He grew up in the Catholic church and somewhere along the way he became really disillusioned with religion, (not just Christianity, but all religions). Now, don't ask me why he did this, I watched the movie hoping to get some indication as to why this happened, and the only thing that I learned was that his father stopped going to church because the church leadership condemned his wife's use of birth-control to prevent them from having any more children. His mother, who is Jewish, never went to church, but encouraged her kids to go to church, that is until the "birth control" issue came up.

To be honest, I liked "Religulous", even though it has been totally panned by prominent members of the Evangelical Community. Just because I do believe in God and believe in Jesus, does not mean that I cannot enjoy a movie like that, especially considering that many of the points that were brought up in the movie are true; For instance, there is no general consensus amongst religious people as to what kind of "god" to believe in, which is reflected in how religion tends to go back and forth between a "god" of judgment and a "god" of mercy depending on what the subject is and what is at stake (we tend to choose mercy when it comes to ourselves, but then judgment and condemnation or judgment when it comes to others, especially people whom we don't like or agree with); Also, there is hypocrisy in practically all religious circles, something that explains why Jesus was probably hated the most by the most religious people of His day. Talk about an irony: the people who supposedly loved God could not stand the Son of God. Unfortunately, because of religion's most potent weapon, self-righteousness, it is almost impossible to have a meaningful dialogue about the subject without very contentious arguments about what one must do to go to heaven and avoid hell. This could probably explain why religion evokes so many emotions: we are talking about people's eternal souls and even in Christian circles where it is often proclaimed that we are saved by grace through Jesus, you mess up and find out if people really believe that....Therein lies the fundamental problem with religion, it assumes that the "god" of whatever religion you are talking about can be ulimately pleased by jumping through some spiritual hoops (usually called "commandents" or "Laws" ) and the person who does so consistently gets the blessings and goes to heaven as an added bonus. Of course, the inference from all of this is that if you ever suffer in life, it MUST be because you have either disobeyed "god" or not confessed some secret sin or flaw in your life. Obviously, when I talk about religion in this context, I am not talking just about a belief in a "god", but the belief that one is accepted and blessed by that god is based one's performance.

The problem with the whole "performance-to-please-god" theory of religion is that you can never really figure out what the rules are. Some people will tell you things like 'just obey the Bible and God will bless you and heaven is yours"..To that, I often want to say, "really? Have you read the Bible? I mean, really read it? Not just picking and choosing those passages that fit your agenda!"..Do you really want us to go back to stoning people for working on Saturday, or condemning women who touch you while on their period; or stoning kids to death for disobeying their parents (some would say yes to this one); or stoning people for adultery? Or making sure that no one wears any clothes mixed with two or more fabrics? There is not a person alive who obeys the Bible in its entirety in thought and deed, but the trick of self-righteousness is that if I can give the appearance that "I may be a sinner, but at least I am not as bad a sinner as John Doe over there", then I get a pass, and I get to condemn John Doe in the process. But Jesus came to reverse this order, by bringing hope especially to the most despised amongst us, he came to bring into existence a new system or kingdom that says everyone is welcome through Him to share at the table of brotherhood and sisterhood. Being a follower of Christ is not primarily about 'I got mine (salvation), now you better get yours", it is about entering a new kingdom, a new paradigm where love for others is the primary manifestation.

Religion, at its very core leads to condemnation, because it is always putting people on a performance scale and making rash judgments about them. The only solution to it is to accept a message of grace that refuses to believe the lie that "I am better than you, because I believe X and you believe Y, or because I do X and avoid Y". Yes, I may be a follower of Christ, but that does not mean that I have all the answers or that atheists or agnostics are inherently somehow worse people than me. This does not mean that there is not much that I can learn not only from people of different backgrounds, but also different experiences. Unfortunately, religion almost always demands that we mingle exclusively only amongst those who think and look like us, and so we don't get to break the stereotypes that we believe and be about the business of loving others and helping them when they need it (I heard a preacher once say that Christians are like manure, you put too many of them together and they start to stink, you have to spread them around for them to really be effective). Isn't that what Jesus did? Reading the Gospels over and over again, I am struck by how the most religious people of his day, people who interpreted the Law and people who were supposedly close to God were his biggest critics always saying stuff like "if he was really the son of God, would he be eating or mingling with those sinners?"

I will admit, I used to be a very religious person. Sometimes, I even jokingly refer to myself as a recovering Pharisee, because I believe that it is so easy to get caught in the game of self-righteousness. What started to bring me out of my bondage (yes, religion is a form of bondage)? Brokenness from my own personal struggles and the realization that I struggled with many of the exact same issues as the people whom I secretly loved to condemn.

We can never rid ourselves of the ills of religion unless we accept the message of grace and forgiveness for all through Jesus. And we can never really accept this message, until we realize the depths of our mutual fallibility...You may consider it ironic that I am talking about Jesus when condemning religion, but that is the point. Jesus is not the problem, even people like Bill Maher talk about how Christians pervert or ignore the teachings of Jesus. The problem is that we try to give the impression that being of our faith makes us better people more worthy of love than others (because we perform for God). And nothing could be further from the truth!!

Peace and Love!
Stephen O. Akinduro

Vulnerability

So a few days ago I am reading this book called "Breathing Grace" by Harry Kraus (M.D) while I am waiting to board my plane at the Sky Harbor Airport in Phoenix, Arizona. The author is talking about God's grace and how it plays out in our everyday lives and in our relationships. He then refers to a powerful quote by C.S. Lewis from his book "the Four Loves". It moved me so much that I have to type it out in its entirety:

"There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket it will change. It will not be broken; It will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable....The only place outside heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell."

I had to re-read the quote again slowly, and as I did, tears started to form in my eyes, because I realized that I was doing the very thing that the author was talking about. In the process of trying to prevent myself from feeling the kind of hurt that potentially comes with vulnerability and love, I had slowly over the years built a steel fortress around my heart. After all, aren't real men supposed to be impervious to the kind of emotional pain that breaks others? If so, I figured, never again would I let another woman tear my heart out of my chest again.....This is not to say that I had not met women whom I liked or could potentially fall in love with, but when I saw it headed in that direction, I found clever ways to give them the Heisman trophy-pose push off, so to speak. Why was I doing this? It is not like I was the first person to ever experience heartbreak before, many have and many more will, Shakespeare made a whole career writing about the perils of love... the fact is that if you have a heartbeat and have ever loved before, chances are you have had your heart broken. So I don't bring this up to conjure up any self-pity, but because I know that qualities that are on display in true love (not just the sexual kind, which is often deeply rooted in lust) such as compassion, forgiveness, gentleness, kindness etc are usually not the kinds of things that men's men want to display too often in a hyper competitive world where your very livelihood often demands that you have firm boundaries and are heartless (its not personal, it's business, so we tell ourselves). It is no wonder that movies like Scarface and the Godfather are perennial favorites amongst most men, because the lead characters in these movies are heartless and would annihilate even their own blood if they think they are being betrayed... I looked up while reading, and this blonde-haired lady is staring at me unashamedly, as if she knew I was having "a moment" and decided to peer into my soul...I suddenly became quite self-conscious of the fact that if I didn't do something, the tears forming in my eyes would drop at any minute; so I find a clever way to get out my handkerchief and put a stop to that immediately......

I realize that a huge part of my emotional / mental struggles in life are rooted in my inner battles over love and the reluctance to enable myself to be vulnerable enough to really experience love in its fullness. This is what trauma often does to a soul, makes us shield ourselves us as a defense mechanism to prevent further pain. But what is life if you are not able to open your heart to love? It is meaningless. It is worthless, it is void, no amount of money or success can replace our inherent need to love and be loved. This is the whole theme of First Corinthians chapter 13....

To love at all is to risk being heartbroken, but to not love at all is to be a walking zombie. We cannot afford to not let this kind of love be rendered mute and void. We need it now more then ever before....

Stephen O. Akinduro

Common "Christian" Myths and Lies...

The misconceptions about God and what it means to be Christian cause a lot of human suffering and misery. These misconceptions are rooted in lies and myths that have existed for so long that we barely find the courage to question their authenticity.

Here are 5 common myths in regard to "God and Christianity" countered with truth.

Myth #1: God helps those who help themselves
Truth: If we could "help ourselves", why would we need God? While this quote is supposed to imply that God will only do His part if we do "our part", it negates the fact that we are totally and completely a product of God's strength and grace. The fact is that we could not even take our next breath if it were not for God's grace. in Acts 17:28, Paul says that "in Him we live move and have our being." Jesus put it this way, "..apart from me you can do nothing." (John 15:5b). Where do we get the notion that God helps those who help themselves? This quote from Benjamin Franklin is rooted in the doctrine of independence and the illusion of self-sufficiency that is rampant in our current society. But this notion is not Biblical and even though a Barna research poll showed that about 80% of Americans though this statement was in the Bible. the truth is that it is not in the Bible. God's compassion through Jesus is especially more obvious to the weak, the hopeless, and those who have given up on themselves. It is when we are destitute and humbled by our utter insufficiency that we are ripe for God's help and can fully appreciate His grace.

Myth #2: God grades sin on the curve.
Truth; Even though there may be different earthly consequences to different sins, all sins carry the same spiritual significance. "For the person who keeps all of the laws except one is as guilty as a person who has broken all of God’s laws" (James 2:10). I am convinced that the primary reason why many of us do not fully embrace the message of God's grace is because we tend to grade sin based on our perspectives. So the person who lusts in their head looks down on the adulterer (even though Jesus equated the two as being the same); the adulterer says to themselves "at least I did not kill anyone"; the person who tells little "white lies" looks down on the white collar criminal; the white collar criminal looks down on the murderer; the murderer looks down on the serial killer...and on and one we go. If a person had a clean background record, does not cuss, does not drink or smoke and does not listen to secular music, it is easy to equate that person as the epitome of moral conduct, but God looks at sins of the heart as being just as serious as those of action, and in that regard, there is not as a single one of us that has bragging rights in God's presence. All that we are, being his children, being forgiven, being blessed and being gifted - are all products of God's grace through Jesus Christ.

Myth #3: All trials and tribulations in your life are rooted in secret or unconfessed sin or a failure to obey the Bible...
Truth: Some would argue that ALL suffering in a person's life is a result of unconfessed sin or "reaping what you sowed", this is not always the case. Remember the case of Job in the Bible? Also, what about the thousands of kids who die all over the world daily due to disease, abuse or even conflict? The fact of the matter is that sometimes trials in our lives make no logical sense, but the one assurance that we do have is that God loves us no matter what we are going through. Nothing can ever separate us from His love (Romans 8:38-39)

Myth #4: Focusing on Biblical Law(s) makes you a better Christian.
Truth: One of the biggest secrets is that the primary purpose of Biblical law is to convict us of our sin and to enable us embrace God's grace. Too often, however, we find that people only embrace Grace as a concept for "salvation-only" and then think that their primary obligation is to then fully obey all the laws in the Bible. But this is a literal impossibility because the only thing that the Law can convict you of sin (Romans 3:20) and the Laws in the Bible are an all-or-none preposition; You are not afforded the luxury of cherry-picking those that fit your agenda, if you are going to try and obey them, you MUST obey all of them (every single law in the Bible). This is what it means in Galatians 3:10 where it says that , "all who rely on observing the law are under a curse, for it is written: 'Cursed is everyone who does not continue to do everything written in the Book of the Law." (NIV). Too many people are living under the Old Covenant of Law, which is an agreement of condemnation (because that is all the law can do) instead of the New covenant or agreement of love and grace. This is where all self-righteousness stems from, because as long as I think that I am doing much better in regard to the law than someone else, I will look down on them in a condescending manner, either overtly or covertly. If we embrace Grace, however, we are more apt to love others, especially the least amongst us and those whom society has discarded as outcasts..

Myth #5: God's Grace is only for "salvation".
Truth: The hymn "Amazing Grace" is the most popular hymn in the world, and yet I often wonder how many of us accept grace in principle, but not in practice. We think that "God accepts me into His family by His grace, but once I am His child, it is my duty to ;maintain; my salvation by doing good deeds and trying to obey the Law." This is a very common yet improper understanding of the fact that we need God's grace every day, every hour, every second. We are completely forgiven when we come to Christ, of all of our sins and mistakes, past, present and future and this forgiveness has NOTHING to do with how good we are or how many good deeds we perform. We do good deeds as a sign of appreciation of God's love, not to earn God's love. There is a huge difference. The person who thinks that they earn God's love by what they do will have little compassion on those whom they feel don't "pull their own weight." But when you come to the realization that God's grace is what keeps us from beginning to end, you start to be grateful every single day of your life for being accepted and blessed!!